Monday, October 15, 2012

Dinosaur

"I was younger then..." -- Stephen Sondheim
 
Last week, I gave a lecture to a group of high school seniors and used the word "Walkman." They looked utterly perplexed.
 
"A Walkman is an old-school term for a portable cassette player," I said.
"Um..."
"Remember cassettes? Tapes?"
"Yeah, but those were before our time."
"Really? How did you guys listen to music on your way to school as kids?"
"With our iPods."
"Sorry... what year were you born?"
"1995."
 
When did I get old?

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Fashion's Day Off

"They need to adore me, so Christian Dior me from my head to my toes. I need to be dazzling. I want to be rainbow high. They must have excitement, and so must I." -- from Evita 
 
I love fashion. I take pride in my wardrobe and love arriving at work each day in a flattering outfit and a fabulous pair of high heels. And I do this to make myself happy; I've always been pretty sure that my colleagues don't notice what I'm wearing half the time.
 
Today, that assumption was proven incorrect.
 
At around 8PM last night, I sat down on my couch and put on Thor. I intended to choose and iron today's work outfit while watching, but instead, I fell asleep. Therefore, at about 7:30 this morning, I woke up on the couch, completely disoriented, with half an hour to dress and get to work on time.
 
I grabbed a huge pink and white button-down shirt and black matchstick pants (i.e. the two things in my closet that were ironed and hung properly), paired them with pink and brown wingtips, threw my hair into a ponytail, and cabbed it down the block.
 
My sartorial choice wasn't up to my usual standard, but it wasn't a complete train wreck.
 
 
Or so I thought. During the course of the clinic day...
  • Five people asked me if I was sick.
  • Three people remarked with some form of "Oh my goodness, what happened to you?!"
  • My work brother spent the whole morning invading my personal space to loom over me because, owing to my lack of heels, he was a full ten inches taller than me.
  • One feisty nurse exclaimed, "This is NOT you!" and gave me a five-minute speech about how she barely recognized me when she saw me.
  • The same nurse later announced to the clinic floor that everyone better bring their cameras tomorrow because "she's definitely going to wear something stunning to make up for this mess."
  • A snarky friend complimented my look and called it "walk of shame chic." And when I explained that I woke up on the couch ten minutes before I was due to leave for work, he questioned whether said couch belonged to me.
 I called my best friend on the way home to tell her about my surreal day. Her comment? "Lesson learned: you're not allowed to take a fashion day off. Ever."

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

To Someone I Forgot

"Now you're just somebody that I used to know." -- Gotye

You were a jock with an impressive high school sports career, stunning blue eyes, a super-hot athlete girlfriend, and considerable popularity. I was a nerd, and though I was also popular, I belonged to a completely different social hierarchy than you. You chilled with other athletes and fellow Long Island commuters while I hobnobbed with academic overachievers and people who joined way too many extracurriculars. But because this was sophomore year of high school, before AP scheduling forced the top 10% of our class into near-identical schedules and permanently segregated our cliques, you and I ended up in the same geometry class. And we sat next to each other in the front row.

We had never formally met before, but I knew you by reputation and expected you to ignore me. But you didn't. You talked to me, asked me questions, and tried to get to know me a little. I did the same. And eventually, we developed... I wouldn't quite call it a friendship. I'm not sure what it was. But we'd share smiles and laughs before and after class. We'd confer on practice problems. We'd exchange rueful glances whenever the teacher said something particularly inane. And every once in a while, you'd lean over and draw pictures in the margins of my notebook. Our tenuous association would vanish the second we left the classroom every day, but for what it was, it was nice.

In May, we switched teachers, classrooms, and, to my horror, seats. Then in September, I embarked on the AP Calculus math track while you decided to stick with a sane schedule. We parted ways. I registered for too many AP classes, made friends with the Science Olympiad team, and set my sights on the Ivy League. Presumably, you returned to your sports stardom and your hot athlete girlfriend -- and I say "presumably" because, once our companionable days in geometry class were behind us, I have no recollection of ever interacting with you again.

We graduated. I moved to Manhattan and became a rocket scientist, but I still kept in close touch with my high school friends and teachers. You, on the other hand, became one of the many kids from my class who vanished off the face of the planet after graduation. No one ever mentioned seeing you or hanging out with you. You never came to any reunions. And, basically, I forgot about you.

Last weekend, I visited my parents and grabbed a book out of my old room to kill an afternoon. The Catcher in the Rye was required reading in sophomore year of high school, and as I flipped through the familiar scenes, I marveled at how much my comprehension of the text had improved since I last picked it up.

About a hundred pages in, I discovered that an old bookmark was still tucked between the pages. It was a fragment of looseleaf about four inches square, torn out of what appeared to be my geometry notebook (judging from the partial circles and angles visible near the ripped edge). In the center of the scrap, someone had clumsily drawn two stick figures -- one with a skirt and high heels, the other with a tie and glasses. The figures shared the same bewildered expression and the same Homer Simpson-esque hairdo. They were holding hands. One figure was labeled with your name and the other was labeled with mine in boyish handwriting. 

I remembered your face -- those striking eyes and easy smile -- long before I remembered your last name. I also realized, for the first time ever, that I had a crush on you during high school. I wasn't willing to acknowledge it back then because you were a jock, I was a nerd, our presence in the same class was a never-to-be-repeated fluke, and girls in my crowd had zero chance with guys from yours, but I fully admit it now. (I'm still not willing to admit that your habit of doodling on my notebook may have indicated even a hint of reciprocity, though; you were a jock, I was a nerd, and old habits die hard.)

I wondered what ever became of you, so I got on Facebook, Google, and Twitter to find out. And it turns out that the man who vanished off the face of the planet after graduation has nearly no online presence either. I did give myself half a heart attack when I found a memorial website dedicated to an athlete in your sport with your name, but one additional search hit proved that you're still alive and competing.

It's been exactly ten years since we last sat next next to each other, sharing smiles and pretending to learn math. Wherever you are and whatever you're doing now, I hope you're happy.