Showing posts with label Music. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Music. Show all posts

Friday, March 25, 2011

Silly Love Songs

"Why can't I let you know the song my heart would sing, this beautiful rhapsody of love and youth and spring? The music is sweet, the words are true. The song is you." -- Oscar Hammerstein

A few weeks ago, Rutila tweeted a "break-up song" for each of the last five years. I liked the exercise and wanted to emulate it, but I had trouble assigning one song to each of my failures in love. (I tend to forgive, forget, and repeat mistakes, resulting in several break-up songs per man. Whoops.) I had even more trouble assigning one song to each year of my life. (I make twenty-track albums each year for that purpose.) Thus, I shelved the project.

This week, I decided to forego listening to a particular playlist or album and just left my iPod on shuffle during my daily routines. And many times during my listening, a song played that, for some reason, reminded me of a man from my past. Some songs represent the beginning of my association with these men and some represent the end, some were assigned immediately and some retroactively, some were just plain stuck in my head while we were together. Whatever the reason, they're irrevocably linked with a certain person in my mind, so much so that I could probably relabel each song with the appropriate man's name and still be able to navigate my music library with perfect ease. When my iPod shuffled to any of these songs, I'd stop whatever I was doing -- even data entry and its associated trance-like state -- and think of him after the first few notes.

I thought the observation needed a playlist. Thus, I dusted off my old 8tracks account and created one this evening. The playlist contains eight songs; they're presented in chronological order, and each song represents a different person. Here's a link to play it, plus a tracklist.


1. Samson -- Regina Spektor
"You are my sweetest downfall. I loved you first. I loved you first."

2. Pirate on the Run -- Pat Monahan featuring Brandi Carlile
"I was perfect for her soul. I was perfect for his heart. And together, we are perfect apart."

3. Forever My Friend -- Ray LaMontagne
"I just think if we keep our hearts together, I just think if we build on this trust that we have for one another, maybe we can make this last a lifetime."

4. The Origin of Love -- Rufus Wainwright
"But I could tell by your expression that the pain down in your soul was the same as the pain down in mine..."

5. Follow Through -- Gavin DeGraw
"All I really want is you, for you to stick around. I'll see you every day, but you have to follow through."

6. I Can't Make You Love Me -- Bonnie Raitt
"Here in the dark, in these final hours, I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power. But you won't. No, you won't."

7. Goodbye Philadelphia -- Peter Cincotti
"Though we may not know it now, things are never gonna be the same. Here on Second Avenue, I tip my old top hat to you. I hope you find somebody who will love you like I do."

8. Holding Out For A Hero -- Bonnie Tyler
"It's gonna take a Superman to sweep me off my feet. I need a hero!"

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Open Up My Eager Eyes

"But it's just the price I pay. Destiny is calling me." -- The Killers

I visited my parents last weekend and, in passing, I mentioned "Mr. Brightside," the prolific rock anthem by The Killers. My mother wasn't familiar with the song, so I pulled out my iPod to play her a verse or two. She never got to hear it, though; she got bored and wandered away as I tried to find it.

I have "Mr. Brightside" on my iPod. Of course I do. And all of my music tracks are meticulously labeled and catalogued, making these types of searches simple. What was the problem, then? I live for well-done covers, and I have so many cover versions of "Mr. Brightside" on my iPod that the original gets lost when I try to search for it by title.

I've often joked that I could fill an entire CD with "Mr. Brightside" covers and not make it sound monotonous, so today, I've decided to share some of the best with you. It's one song made to sound like five, played in completely different styles yet seeming like it was written for each, which is the truest testament to its brilliance that I can imagine.

First, here is the original Killers track and its moving music video (starring Eric Roberts as Brandon Flowers' nemesis):



Here's an incredible piano and violin cover by musician Eric Wuest:


Here's music legend Paul Anka's big band/swing version: link to Stereogum.

Boyce Avenue kills it on acoustic guitar here:



British boy band McFly recorded this pop version for charity in 2005.



And here's my favorite version, the Los Angeles Orchestral Academy's symphonic cover. It just begs to be blasted as high as your stereo can go.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Now I Know Better

"Tonight, you arrested my mind when you came to my defense. With a knife in the shape of your mouth, in the form of your body, with the wrath of a god. Oh, you stood by me. And I stand by my belief." -- Gavin DeGraw

I graduated from college in May of 2008, and two days later, I started my first full-time job. My first week of work was spent in typical fashion for a career in science -- catching up on data entry, doing lots of literature searches, completing half a dozen web training programs, etcetera ad nauseam. I couldn't get through all of that without background noise and I couldn't justify keeping my iPod on for eight hours a day, so I turned to Pandora Radio for my music fix.

I don't remember the name of the Pandora station that occupied my workdays back then; I chose the music specifically for non-distracting background noise and it served its purpose beautifully. Every so often, though, a song would play that cut through my concentration and made me focus on the music. And every time that happened, the artist was always the same.

Gavin DeGraw. A cute guy with a grand piano who had albums on the charts for five years before I discovered him. And when that happened, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. If someone told me that Gavin was practiced in the art of telepathy and regularly rifled through my thoughts as a part of his songwriting process, I wouldn't doubt it. Not many musicians are able to sing lyrics that feel ripped out of my chest, or play instruments with the same passion or misery I'm feeling, or choose melodies seemingly orchestrated to my daily routine. I purchased Chariot during the first week of June and listened to it nonstop for the next two months.

Those two months were some of the most nerve-wracking, mindwarping, emotionally draining days I've ever experienced. I was settling into real life, meeting new people, and trying to balance what was left of college with my newborn career. I admitted attraction to someone who actually reciprocated -- hey, this never happens -- but I was powerless to do anything about it. A very good friend made a very bad decision and I took it too personally. I said some cautious hellos and one earth-shattering goodbye. Gavin and his piano were there to narrate all of it, to give a voice to my frustration, and to help me make sense of everything that was happening to me. He managed to awaken thoughts I didn't know I was thinking and feelings I never realized I was feeling.

The world kept turning. Things got worse, then they got better, then they got really bad, then they got better again. I gained a few new musical obsessions. My type and quantity of work changed, so I couldn't get distracted by Pandora's uncanny song choices any more. I fell for someone best described by Taylor Swift and Peter Cincotti. I left Chariot to languish on my iPod's ample hard drive.

Fast-forward nearly two years, to March 2010. Thanks to Rutila and her excellent taste in literature, I had the privilege of reading a collecion of essays called Heavy Rotation: Twenty Writers on the Albums That Changed Their Lives. Each author chose an album and crafted an essay around it, taking care to explain the music in terms of social impact, emotional relevance, coming-of-age, or inspirational value. The collection blew me away; the writers spoke about their subjects with the same reverence I often feel for favored pieces of music, and it heartened me to learn that I'm not the only lost soul who uses other people's lyrics to shove my own experiences into sharper focus.

I've tried to examine that tendency before. I've written about the poetry of Bob Dylan's songs, sang West Side Story in concert during a time when Maria's situation mirrored my own, borrowed a Jonathan Larson lyric that he had borrowed from Stephen Sondheim. I'd never penned an homage to a complete album, though, and reading Heavy Rotation made me want to try.

I was inspired. I was itching to write. I couldn't decide on an album, though. Sure, I have favorite lyrics -- they show up as the first line of every blog post I write, and they often express what's really on my mind far more frankly than my prose does. I have favorite songs that could easily inspire a blog post or two. Albums, however, stumped me. There's my all-time favorite album (Twentysomething by Jamie Cullum), the first album I ever bought with my own money (The Nylon Curtain by Billy Joel), the album that changed my personal definition of music (Jethro Tull's Thick As A Brick), and the album that I hated when I first heard it and loved a year later (the Les Miserables 10th Anniversary Concert). But I couldn't write more than a few sentences about any of them. They all told a story, but none of them told MY story. Or any story I wanted to tell, for that matter. I set the project aside and decided to revisit it another day.

My PIs were out of town last week, so I settled in to enter data and opened Pandora for background noise. I wasn't in the mood to listen to any of my more recent stations, so I scrolled down to the very bottom of my list and clicked on something random. An advertisement for Axe body spray aired, followed by a hushed, plaintive, nearly a capella lyric:

"You need a friend? I'll be around. Don't let this end, for I'll see you again. What can I say to convince you to change your mind to me?"

As Gavin sang about unconditional love in the face of rejection, I was transported to a lawn on a mild summer night, fighting desperately to stay calm despite the undeniable recognition that I was about to lose something forever. I turned off Pandora, fished my iPod out of my purse, and turned on Chariot for the first time in years.

The album used to serve as the theme music to my existence. Now it evokes emotions, sensations, and experiences with far more clarity than the mere act of remembering ever could. "I Don't Want To Be" fills me with blinding rage, utter betrayal, and just a little bit of disappointment. "Belief" recalls lying on a bare mattress on a bare floor in a bare dorm room in light so faint I can barely see what I'm doing but it doesn't really matter anyway. "Crush" makes me feel like I have a secret... sad, but in a nice way. "Follow Through" sends me walking home with a Silver Moon baguette in my hand, smug as all heck and anticipating the next step in my life.

As an exercise prior to writing this essay, I gave Chariot the American Idiot treatment -- I rearranged the songs to tell my story, added some narrative between the tracks, and made an iTunes playlist. Listening to it was like living it all over again... and it was all a lot better the second time.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Love Story

"Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone! I'll be waiting. All there's left to do is run." -- Taylor Swift

Halfway through my workday, I took a walk around the corner to grab a cup of coffee. As I headed back to my building, cup in hand, I noticed a tractor-trailer stopped at the red light directly in front of me. Or, more specifically, I noticed the truck's driver. He was large, burly, and balding, and he was singing along with something on the radio. He wasn't just mouthing the lyrics, though -- this dude was in total rockstar mode. He played the drums on his steering wheel, he tossed his head around, and he even interspersed a few well-placed fist-pumps into his performance.

I continued to watch him as I walked.

As I approached the corner, I noticed that his window was cracked open.

As I turned the corner, his blaring radio became audible.

Yeah. The truck driver was totally, passionately, and unabashedly rocking out to Taylor Swift.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Better Sound Through Research

"Oh honey, you turn me on. I'm a radio." -- Joni Mitchell

I had you once. I was so much younger back then, but the songs are old and I'd played them all before. I'd felt bass lines pound through me and I'd soared along with the treble, but I didn't realize how powerful and thrilling the experience could be until I unwrapped you and slipped you in for the very first time.

And god, I didn't know what I was missing. Suddenly, the whole world gained another set of dimensions. Highs climbed higher, lows dipped lower, rhythms resonated through every cell in my body and every crescendo seemed more powerful than the last. I knew our relationship couldn't last forever, that I'd have others in the future and even in the present, but I couldn't imagine ever enjoying an experience as perfect as the one I shared with you. I wanted to hold on to you for as long as I possibly could.

We made beautiful music together for close to two years. Then things began to fray. And split. And crack. I clung to you for as long as I could, desperately trying out every repair I could think of, but deep down I knew our time was coming to an end. You became detached, and after a while, I just couldn't hear a word coming out of you any more.

I cast you aside and I moved on. I jumped from replacement to replacement, but they either hurt me or didn't satisfy me or failed me or flat-out didn't fit. As time passed, I realized that you were irreplaceable.

I resisted for a while -- after all, you could only be returned to me for a steep price -- but I couldn't resist forever. So I made a move and waited for you to arrive.

And all of a sudden, there you were. Your features were the same, but unlike the broken-down wreck I once wished goodbye, you were shiny and new and full of potential. I was afraid to touch you at first, afraid to handle something so perfect with any semblance of roughness, but you connected with the same ease as ever and I relaxed. Then you slipped into me as if you were made to mold to the shape of my body. You began to whisper things I hadn't heard since you left me, and it just felt right. Now that we're back together again, I'm never letting you go.

I wish I can share my happiness with you, readers, but I'm afraid that it's something you'll have to obtain for yourself. I encourage you to do so, and there's no time like the present -- the subject of this blog entry, Bose's unparalleled Triport in-ear headphones, are currently on sale for $89.00.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

A million words or so to fill you in about my past

"I told you that our love would last forever, and even that the tears would end for good. I told you that we'd get through any weather. Baby, that didn't work out... but we did the best we could." -- Jamie Cullum

My musical tastes have always tended towards artists whose lyrics speak the contents of my heart. They come and go and change over the years, but one man has been a constant presence in my soul, iPod, and journal entries since I first heard his voice. His name is Jamie Cullum, and I grew to love him during the summer of 2004 when my place of employment, Barnes & Noble, played his album Twentysomething around the clock for an entire month.

From a journal entry dated 08/17/2004:
My "Currently Playing" was on the air in B&N during the entire month of July, and I never tired of listening to it each day. Jamie Cullum is an amazing British singer and pianist -- kind of a cross between Billy Joel, Bowie and Harry Connick Jr. -- and he has an unbelievably sexy voice. Too bad he looks like he's ten.

A year passed before Jamie garnered enough attention in the United States to play any shows here, and I was fortunate to see him live at Irving Plaza on his first trip to New York.

From a journal entry dated 10/12/2005, which morphed into a concert review that still appears on Jamie's official website:
I spent 2+ hours tonight standing ten feet away from Jamie Cullum the world-renowned British jazz pianist who has redefined the genre and never records a flop. He is 25 years old, looks like he's fifteen, acts like he's anywhere between five and fifty.

He crooned, he keeled, he growled and whispered and scatted and shrieked and moaned. Every note was perfect, every syllable was impeccably executed in that soulful, raspy, incredibly sexy voice that belongs only to him.

He tickled the piano keys with symphonic precision, only to bang on them with his fists a moment later. His hands would move slowly, gently, deliberately, then he'd stop and begin poking out rapid patterns of notes with two fingers. At one point he played the instrument with his feet and his forehead. Then he sat on the keyboard. Then he reached inside the lid and started plucking the strings. Then he stood on the lid and took a flying leap onto the stage.

The man can go from Harry Connick Jr. to Radiohead, from a rap to a disco tune, from straight jazz to Lerner and Loewe in two seconds flat without the slightest hesitation, which isn't as simple a feat as one would imagine.


I saw Jamie live again a few months later and the mastery of his performing style remained just as impressive as when I first saw him. Between then and now, I always gravitated towards Jamie's lyrics to commemorate moments of upheaval, change, and comprehension in my life. I cut an unhealthy ex out of my life on New Year's Day on 2006 and quoted Jamie when I told my friends about it:
"If there's one thing I must do, despite my greatest fear, I'm gonna say to you what I've felt all of these years next year."

I turned to Jamie again on March 28th of 2006 to help me work through some romantic confusion:
"Who knows the answers? Who do you trust? I can't even separate love from lust."

He even provided the soundtrack for my 20th birthday:
"Love ain't the answer, nor is work. The truth eludes me so much it hurts. But I'm still having fun and I guess that's the key. I'm a twentysomething and I'll keep being me.

I had the privilege of seeing Jamie Cullum perform live for a third time last weekend. (Many thanks to Rutila!) His music has grown more pensive lately -- his new album contains songs about self-reliance and longing and reflection, which shows that Jamie and I seem to have matured along the same lines. However, though "If I Ruled The World" and "Gran Torino" touched me, it was an old song -- the first Jamie Cullum song I ever heard back when I was seventeen years old -- whose newfound relevance to my life left me dumbstruck. The Quote of the Day borrows from it, and it can be heard in full below.


Saturday, January 17, 2009

Keep Out

"There's a fine, fine line between love and a waste of your time." -- from Avenue Q

I'm sure there are a ton of ordinary little miracles happening around me lately that I can write about. I know that tons of stuff has happened to me that you'd love to hear and I've made lots of little observations you'd appreciate me sharing. But you know what? Lately, nothing -- absolutely nothing -- in my life has struck me as quirky and exciting enough to warrant a blog entry. Coincidentally, the weather around here has plummeted and is currently hovering around 0F, which reminds me of Dante's assertion that hell gets colder as you descend farther into it.

I owe this blog something, though, so I'm stealing other people's words to replace my own. I stumbled across 8tracks.com recently, a site which allows you to upload mp3s, create a playlist, and embed it on your website. So if you're sitting around at home this weekend trying desperately to keep warm, give this one a play. The track list is below the applet.



1. Into the Sun -- Locksley
2. Creep (Radiohead cover) -- Brandi Carlile
3. I Melt With You -- Saves The Day
4. Your Ex-Lover Is Dead -- Stars
5. Wonderwall -- Paul Anka
6. Burn -- Ray LaMontagne
7. You Belong With Me -- Taylor Swift
8. Hallelujah -- Gavin DeGraw

Friday, November 14, 2008

Destroyer of Worlds

"I explained that the visual effect of an atomic bombing would be tremendous." -- J. Robert Oppenheimer, via Peter Sellars

I spent yesterday evening in the highest balcony of the Metropolitan Opera House to see the closing-night performance of Doctor Atomic, a new John Adams/Peter Sellars opera about J. Robert Oppenheimer, the Manhattan Project, the days leading up to the first test shot of the atomic bomb, and the conflicting emotions of the scientists involved in its creation. As a woman with a little opera training and a lot of scientific training, I was ecstatic to see two of my passions merge on stage. Of course, since I was headed to the world's most renowned opera house to see a production composed by an ultra-modern, minimalistic visionary, I didn't expect much nuclear physics to be involved in the production.

Thus, I was genuinely surprised to enter the house and face a white-on-black projection of the Periodic Table of the Elements rather than the usual heavy damask curtain. I examined the familiar grid as I settled into my seat, but something didn't feel right about it. It eventually dawned on me that a few elements -- and the entire actinoid series -- were missing:My companion, a chemist, deduced that the scrim showed the Periodic Table as it looked during the summer of 1945. We picked over the projection, noted what was there and what has been discovered since, became increasingly aware of the knowledge base of the scientists and engineers we were about to meet. When the house lights dimmed, we were already immersed in a singular moment in time, in an era of science before the discovery of francium and promethium, before the threat of nukes hovered over every war, before E=mc^2 was proven beyond a reasonable doubt.

Then the curtain rose and the neat grid of boxes was replaced by... a neat grid of boxes. Forty-two boxes to be specific, stacked three high and fourteen across, each covered by a screen bearing the ID card photograph of a Trinity Project scientist. The photos were creased and faded and covered in cellophane tape. Some names were typed, others handwritten, some misspelled and crossed out and re-inked. The names were difficult to read from my vantage point, but Richard Feynman, Enrico Fermi, Hans Bethe, I. I. Rabi, Niels Bohr, Robert R. Wilson, Edwin McMillan... they were all there. The men who dedicated their lives to stretching the boundaries of human thought were each identically posed and encased in an identical little box.

The photographs then rose to reveal forty-two cast members dressed as scientists, one in each cubicle, each armed with a piece of chalk, each madly scribbling unknown equations on the back wall. Over the next three and a half hours, some of them break free from their confines to express human emotion -- Oppenheimer, our Doctor Atomic, takes center stage and becomes almost Faustian in his efforts to balance his dedication to the bomb and his fear of its potential -- but, for the most part, the scientists remain spaces on a grid, insignificant parts of a significant whole.

Ultimately, the opera about nuclear physics becomes an opera about dozens of brilliant innovators who surrender their individual identities to accomplish something for their country. And that opera ultimately becomes an opera about scientists being forced to choose between doing what they know is right for their own edification and doing what they know is right for humanity.

During intermission, I said to my companion, "I've never been so proud to be a scientist, but I've also never been so ashamed to be a scientist." That's because, shortly before the curtain fell on the First Act, when the glowing wire-covered bomb rose away from Oppenheimer to cast a vaguely spherical shadow over half the stage, I realized that, if fate had somehow landed me and my engineering skills at Los Alamos in 1945, I would have made the same choice that Oppenheimer did. Despite being surrounded by discussion of Japanese target cities, possible ignition of Earth's atmosphere, and a new age of destructive power, I would have used every skill I possessed to get "the gadget" working properly. Just because I could.

The opera ends at t-minus-one second, but that one second is stretched into ten minutes of orchestral cacophony that nearly shakes the house with its intensity. The entire cast is bunkered down on stage, unmoving, staring wordlessly into at the audience as the scenery warps behind them. The audience never sees the explosion, but for a brief moment just before the curtain fell, I felt like the bomb.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Fool's Mate: Part III

For Part I, click here. For Part II, click here.

III. Endgame

"I won't look back any more... and if I do, just for a moment. I can't imagine a time when I won't care. But here we are today, and it's over! Hold me and tell me we'll meet again..."
--Tim Rice, from Chess


Both players have given and taken everything they easily can. The board is bare, both kings are exposed. The pace of the game quickens but the moves become more focused. The players dance around each other, trying desperately to either end things swiftly or keep up the dance as long as possible.

A chess game can end in one of four ways. Wins and losses are the easy ones to characterize -- you either walk away with satisfaction and a higher rating or you walk away acknowledging that whatever you brought to the table wasn't good enough. One player leaves the game in a better place than before, while the other player leaves with a part of himself destroyed.

Draws are slightly more interesting, since they seem to defy the competitive spirit of the game. This is the chess equivalent of the mutual break-up -- when both players feel like they can't pull a satisfying win out of their situation, they simply shake hands, stand up, and walk away. No one wins, no one loses, and you can still remain friends afterwards.

Lastly, and most rarely, a chess game can end in a stalemate. Stalemates depend on two key rules of chess: it is illegal for a player to expose his own King to attack (also called "check"), and the game ends when a player's King is checked without a means of escape (also called "checkmate"). A stalemated position is one where a player's King is NOT in check, but every possible move on the board is illegal because it would result in check. A stalemate is an automatic draw -- no one wins and no one loses. The situation feels entirely different, though.

Sometimes a stalemate just happens -- you reach to move a piece and realize quite suddenly that there are no legal moves left. Other times, stalemates are engineered by sneaky players who are guaranteed losses otherwise. Once they sense defeat, they move with the sole intent of working themselves into a position where it is impossible for their partners to properly end the game. Some people can trick opponents into stalemates with astounding ease; I've only ended a game in a stalemate once during my entire chess career, but I know some players who are masters at it.

During the last game of his world championship match against Freddie -- a game which he seems poised to win -- Anatoly is given an ultimatum. He can keep Florence and his freedom if he wins the game, but both governments promise to make life hell for Florence's family and Anatoly's estranged wife and children if he dares. If he throws the game, he must leave Florence and return to Russia in exchange for the ensured safety of everyone in his life.

Ultimately, what choice does Anatoly make? In a true representation of the uncertainty of life, love, and the game of chess, the ending of the musical is continually rewritten. Sometimes Anatoly wins, sometimes he loses, sometimes he does neither. The outcome of the game changes with every production of the musical.

Of course, one ending is closer to my heart than all the others. Out of perceived obligation, Anatoly gives into Freddie. He throws the game, believing that he is acting in Florence's best interests, fully knowing that he has surrendered his own freedom and happiness to secure hers.

When Anatoly and Florence meet after the match, they fall into each other's arms and reflect on the choice he's made and the happy ending they always knew they could never truly experience. Their time together is limited, though, since deportation is a consequence of Anatoly's loss. His wife and several Russian officials wait in the wings to reclaim him.

Anatoly kisses Florence goodbye and walks out of her life without a backwards glance. Alone onstage, she pauses, wipes away a tear, and, in a trembling voice, sings lyrics previously delivered by Anatoly's neglected wife:

Wasn't it good? Wasn't he fine? Isn't it madness...?

Her voice trails off and she weeps openly. Her heart is broken, her life is in shambles, her cultural identity is lost. She is left with nothing except her memories... but suddenly, blindingly, she realizes that's all she needs to rebuild her existence. The orchestra swells. Florence sings again, but this time her words are Anatoly's. She belts his "Anthem" from the first-act finale, but she fits it with sentiments entirely her own:

How can I live now? Where do I start? Let man's petty nations tear themselves apart! My land's only borders lie around my heart!

For once in her life, Florence is her own woman. And though Anatoly joins her in singing the show's final lyrics, you must listen carefully to even notice that he's there. Anatoly may lose the game, but strangely, beautifully, I can't decide whether Florence wins, loses, draws, or stalemates.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Fool's Mate: Part II


(Click here for Part I: Opening Combination)


II. Middlegame



"Though I'd move my world to be with him, still the gap between us is too wide. Looking back, I could have played it differently... won a few more moments, who can tell? But it took time to understand the man. Now at least I know I know him well." -- Tim Rice, from Chess

You shake hands with your partner and both of you take a seat. You make a move, he reacts, you react to his reaction. You keep offering possibilities. So does he. You feed off of each other, more connections are made, more possible outcomes are offered with every response. You fortify your position, refine your focus, and your partner does the same. You watch his movements carefully in search of what he's thinking, what he's longing to do to you. Then, at any given moment, one of you finally strikes. He takes, you take, he takes again, and the exchange continues until the position is spent. You pause, you take a breath. Things slow down. The rules of the game are completely different now and so is the board in front of you, so you must reassess where you stand in terms of both.

Daters call the next phase of this game a steady relationship, but to chess players, it's the middlegame. In both cases, its boundaries are pretty ill-defined and vary from player to player. Some people think the middlegame starts once the textbook opening combination ends, but others, including me, think that the rapid-fire exchange of captures that inevitably follows every opening is the true mark of the middlegame. After this point, both of you have committed to the game, you've exchanged parts of yourself, and you're willing to navigate the new board arrangement together. And though one player may enter the middlegame with a bit of an advantage in terms of captured pieces or position, the players are always on pretty even footing if the pairing is well-matched.

Once again, my middlegame style reflects my personality with astounding accuracy. The middlegame has always been the strongest part of my gameplay because it depends on imagination as much as it depends on strong tactical skill. I have enough tricks up my sleeve to give my partner everything he could ever want in a game, and I can use them creatively enough to keep the game interesting. I'm good at keeping an open, centralized position and moving with both subtlety and decisiveness. All of my exchanges – and the middlegame almost completely depends on smart trades between players – are thought-out and innovative. I'm not afraid to pin pieces, make sacrifices, or surrender position if I know that it will make the game better in the long run. I screw myself over more often than not while playing chess, but it very rarely happens in this phase of the game.

How does the middlegame pan out for Florence and Anatoly? They fortify their positions and defeat Freddie at the World Championship. They complement each other perfectly; Anatoly's love gives Florence the strength to sever all ties with Freddie, and Florence's love gives Anatoly the strength to leave his oppressive government. They both give, they both take, and they both navigate the middlegame with even material and positions. By the time the middlegame finishes, the board is clear of all pieces but a few. The best line of play for both of them seems obvious, but Florence's family, Anatoly's family, Anatoly's career, the national-scale baggage of both players, and, of course, the constant meddling of Freddie complicate matters. When we enter the endgame, Anatoly has a choice to make. He can either remain with Florence at the cost of his perceived honor or give into Freddie at the cost of his own happiness.

To be continued in Part III.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Fool's Mate: Part I

"The game of chess, like the game of love, can be played in an almost infinite number of variations. Some are wins, some are losses, some are draws, and a few happen to end in a stalemate." -- Tim Rice

In my freshman year of college, my University Writing class chose the Iraq War as our collective final paper topic. Since I loathe political discussions almost as much as I loathe current events, I instead wrote a lovely essay comparing warfare to the game of chess. About a third of that paper discussed the use of the game as a metaphor for war as presented in Chess, a brilliant musical written by Benny Andersson, Bjorn Ulvaeus, and Tim Rice. It's set at the World Chess Championship during the height of the Cold War, and it tells the story of an American player, a Russian player, the woman they love, and their fight for control of each other and themselves. The show explores both battle and the battle of the sexes in terms of tactical chess theory, and while I spent most of University Writing class exploring the former, I've never given the latter its due. It's a pity, really; as a hopeless romantic and former competitive chess player who has experienced wins, losses, draws, and stalemates in both games, I'm an authority on the subject. And since a new concert version of Chess (starring Josh Groban and Adam Pascal) is coming to PBS next year and the song "You and I" has been running through my head on a loop for the past four days for reasons that I won't discuss here, what better time than the present? Like every chess game, this entry will be broken into three parts: the opening, the middlegame, and the endgame.

I. Opening Combination

"The one I should not think of keeps roaming through my mind, and I don't want to let that go. No lover's ever faithful, no contract truly signed, there's nothing certain left to know. But how the cracks begin to show!" -- Tim Rice, from Chess

Every chess game between two experienced players starts with an opening combination. There's no free will when it comes to chess openings -- every move should be made according to historical precedent if a player wants to stand a chance of winning. Thus, every chess student is at some point forced to memorize the most common openings well enough to play them automatically in competition.


Trouble is, there are thousands of openings and many are separated by mere subtleties, all of which determine your opponent's reaction. For example, if both players advance their King's pawns, white moves a Knight to attack black's pawn, and black moves a knight to attack white's pawn, both players are expected to follow the Petroff line of play. If black moves the other Knight and white pushes a Bishop to c4, it becomes the Giucco Piano combination. Move the Bishop out one more square to b5 and both players have committed to the Ruy Lopez opening. If white leaves the Bishop alone and pushes his Queen's pawn two spaces, it's the Scotch Game. Most romantic interactions start this way as well: two people size each other up, they introduce themselves, one offers to buy the other a drink. Accepting it opens one avenue of play, while declining it opens another.

Some people play common openings, some people play rare openings, some play them strictly by the book, some like to innovate. In my tournament days, I favored the sneaky approach and played established versions of uncommon openings. The Nimzowitsch-Larsen Attack was my favorite: I would push a pawn to b3 on my first move, fianchetto my Bishop to b2 on my second, and watch my opponent squirm when he had no idea what I was up to. I've always felt that a person's playing style can be ascertained by the way he navigates his opening combination, but maybe that's because my favorite opening represents me so well. I handle the first moments of personal interaction with a potential partner the same way I play the Nimzo-Larsen: I put something subtle and unique on the table and see how he reacts. If he's proactive and builds up his center, we end up with an interesting game. If he plays it safe and defends his Kingside, I almost always win, we shake hands, and we part ways. The opening is like a first impression: it shapes what happens in the rest of the game, but you don't really know who you're playing until after it's over.

In the musical Chess, four games appear almost immediately during the first half of the first act. First, we learn that the World Chess Championship will be played between an American champion and a Russian champion as both governments argue over the awaited outcome. Next, Freddie Trumper, the brash, immature American chess champion, arrives with Florence Vassy, an intelligent and diplomatic woman who has endured the torment of Freddie's company as his lover and tournament second for nearly a decade. Third, we become acquainted with Anatoly Sergievsky, the quietly brilliant Russian chess champion whose conscience battles against his knowledge that he's merely a puppet of his Communist government. Finally, we see the actual series of matches that Anatoly and Freddie play for the title of World Champion -- games constantly interrupted by Freddie's antics, Russian accusations, and dirty play from both sides. However, near the end of the first act, all of these pairings are revealed to be part of the opening combination, mere decoys designed to make the game more interesting. The true opponents in this game aren't the US and USSR, Freddie and Florence, or even Freddie and Anatoly.

In a development that shocked me when I first became acquainted with Chess, our players are actually Anatoly and Florence. They interact as skilled chess masters should during the show's first few songs – they follow traditional opening play, stake and fortify their positions, interact only when necessary. They make all their moves by the book, but as they play, Anatoly begins to appreciate Florence's smart, civilized, nurturing style and Florence can't help but notice Anatoly's quiet intensity and honorable nature. Catalyzed by Freddie's irresponsibility, Florence and Anatoly find that, though they are technically opponents, they can't think of anything they'd rather do than spend time with each other. There's a mutual attraction, but with Freddie hovering close by and the World Championship looming, they enter the middlegame at an impasse.

To be continued in Part II.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Souvenir

"I've seen the lights go out on Broadway. I watched the mighty skyline fall. The folks were waiting at the Battery. The union went on strike; they never sailed at all. They sent a carrier out from Norfolk and picked the Yankees up for free. They said the Mets could play for one last game at Shea and sank Manhattan out at sea." -- Billy Joel on 7/18/2008

I'm sure you've heard the praise, the acclaim, the media fawning over William M. Joel's history-making series of concerts at William A. Shea Stadium this past week. I was there for the last show, and though I don't know if I can rave about the performance more uniquely than some others have already raved about it, I'll put my thoughts out there anyway.

I started taking dance lessons when I was in Kindergarten. My mother didn't see the point of jazz dance, so while all of my friends pointed and kicked and grapevined, I tapped and flapped and shuffle-ball-changed. Their jazz class ended five minutes before my tap class started, so I would watch them as I put on my shoes. Their recital routine was choreographed to "Uptown Girl" that year, and the song fast became my obsession.

My parents gave me the two-CD set of Billy Joel's Greatest Hits for my sixth birthday and made the mistake of teaching me how to use the "replay" button on our stereo. I probably listened to "Uptown Girl" for two months straight before my father gently suggested that I try out the rest of the album, too. I did, I appreciated, and by the time River of Dreams was released in 1994, I owned every album Billy Joel had ever released.

I listened to Billy's music so much that I was soon able to recite every word to every song on every album. And when I say "every word," I mean every word. Of course I knew "Piano Man" and "We Didn't Start the Fire" and "Scenes From An Italian Restaurant," but I also knew "Falling of the Rain" and "Zanzibar" and "Scandinavian Skies." I could never give a straight answer whenever anyone asked me to name my favorite Billy Joel song, so I came up with a Top Five list:

1. Miami 2017 (Seen The Lights Go Out On Broadway)
2. Angry Young Man
3. Summer, Highland Falls
4. The Ballad of Billy the Kid
5. Shameless

It's a weird selection, but it hasn't deviated in over a decade. Because it's a weird selection, though, I didn't get to hear any of my favorites when I saw Billy in concert for the first time in 1996. I got to hear him play "Miami 2017" live in 2001, but since that performance was part of The Concert for New York City, the experience was more sorrowful than satisfying. Six and a half years passed, and though my musical tastes expanded, my appreciation for the genius of Billy's songwriting only grew. When I heard that he was playing at Shea Stadium this July, I expressed interest in going but never thought that anything would come of it. On Thursday I got a call that a ticket was waiting for me, and on Friday night, I found myself sitting in a Shea Stadium field box to the right of the stage.

Oddly enough, the crowd seemed more enthused about the concert's rumored guest stars than the Piano Man himself. Garth Brooks, Elton John, Aerosmith, Keith Richards, Roger Daltrey, Bon Jovi, and Paul McCartney/Ringo Starr/Julian Lennon/Dhani Harrison were all mentioned by various patrons before the show, and people speculated that the previous concert's guest stars -- Tony Bennett, John Mayer, and John Mellencamp -- would return for this performance. The general lack of enthusiasm for Billy Joel at a Billy Joel concert made me think of Robert Plant famously stating that his band's concerts were worthless because Led Zeppelin had become a Led Zeppelin tribute band. I wondered if the same had happened for my Billy, then prepared myself for the worst when he waddled onstage sweating and looking older than I ever thought possible.

I should have known better. He sat down at his piano without uttering a word to the 65,000 people filling every corner of Shea, sang the national anthem in a surprisingly agile voice, and plunked out the opening notes to "Miami 2017." He followed that song with "Angry Young Man" plus its complete prelude, and only after that did he greet the audience. He revealed that the badge pinned to his suit jacket was worn by Ringo Starr when the Beatles played their legendary concerts at Shea in 1965, which caused my father (who was holding out hope for the speculated quasi-Beatles reunion) to raise his eyebrows in my direction.

Billy Joel played for close to four hours, and he in no way resembled a Billy Joel tribute band during that time. Sure, he played the hits, but he mixed them up with enough little-known material to present a totally unique show. He played "Zanzibar," he played the instrumental "Root Beer Rag" from his second studio album, he played a ballad with a hook stolen from Beethoven called "This Night," he played rarely-played-live songs like "Keeping The Faith" and "The Downeaster Alexa." My Top Five were all played, and he even prefaced the cinematic "Ballad of Billy the Kid" with a piano rendition of the main theme from one of my favorite films, The Magnificent Seven. He also mixed up some of his more popular songs a bit, pausing in the middle of "River of Dreams" to sing "A Hard Day's Night" and hitting high notes in "An Innocent Man" that he wouldn't even attempt twenty-five years ago. The light show ranged from fantastic (when a photograph of every person, object or event mentioned in "We Didn't Start The Fire" flickered onscreen as he sang) to abysmal (like the Windows Screensaver-esque psychedelia projected during "Captain Jack"). Billy even redeemed my least favorite part of his live performances -- the military veterans singing the chorus of the Vietnam tribute "Good Night, Saigon" -- by including New York City firefighters and police officers alongside his usual lineup of army, navy, and marines representatives.

Another part of Billy's stage shows that I don't usually enjoy was also redeemed in a pretty remarkable way. Call me a fool, call me un-American, but I don't like the way "New York State of Mind" sounds when it's played live. Not sure why, but I can't stand it and I never have. On Friday, I rolled my eyes when its first chords played and listened politely during the first verse, then Tony Bennett walked onstage to sing the second verse. Like any self-respecting Astoria girl, I worship the ground Tony Bennett walks upon, and even at the ripe age of 82, he's still in remarkable voice. Despite their song choice, Billy's and Tony's duet was one of the highlights of my evening.

Tony was the first guest star, but certainly not the last. Garth Brooks joined Billy on "Shameless," adding a beautiful vocal to what I consider one of the most beautiful songs ever written. Steven Tyler, as outrageous, commanding, and ageless as always, delivered "Walk This Way" with Billy singing backup and playing guitar. (This, incidentally, was the only song I didn't sing word-for-word all night.) Billy again sang backup and played guitar for Roger Daltrey on "My Generation," and in proper Who fashion, he smashed his guitar at the end of the song.

Billy ended the show, then came onstage for an encore of "Scenes From An Italian Restaurant" and "Only The Good Die Young." Between those songs, a stage manager ran out and whispered something in his ear, something which Billy whispered to the rest of his band. They all came out for a second encore, started playing the opening notes to "I Saw Her Standing There," and out strolled Paul McCartney, guitar in hand, resplendent in a white Oxford shirt.

No Ringo, no Julian or Dhani, just Macca. And honestly, you didn't need the others. The stadium was shaking in a way I haven't felt outside of the Yankee Stadium upper deck during the World Series. He came, he saw, he conquered, then he left after a very lengthy curtain call. Billy then delivered his three concert-enders: he played "Piano Man," let the crowd sing the last verse to him, told us not to take no shit from nobody, and tried to walk offstage.

The stage manager blocked his path and, once again, whispered something. Billy turned around, walked back onstage, past his piano, past his microphone stand, and welcomed back Paul McCartney. Macca gave a wave, sat down at Joel's piano, and played "Let It Be." The crowd was silent, contemplative. I can count on one hand the number of times I've ever been conscious of history being made. That was it.

Paul McCartney playing a simple, beautiful song was the real ending of Billy Joel's show, this loud, obnoxious, kickass rock concert, the last concert ever at Shea Stadium, and Billy had close to nothing to do with it. He sang a little back-up on "Let It Be," but he spent most of the song watching McCartney play from a seat atop the baby grand's lid. At first, I pitied him for not getting the last word at his own show, but I can't think of a better finish for Shea than having it opened and closed by the Beatles. As a New Yorker and Beatles fan himself, I'm sure Billy would agree.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Soundtrack of a workweek

"I'll forgive you for what you've done... if you say that I'm the one." -- Gavin DeGraw

My musical tastes usually fall pretty far from mainstream, but Gavin DeGraw owns my heart and my iPod right now. I don't often hear songs with lyrics that feel ripped from my soul, but Chariot, Gavin's superb debut album, features no fewer than nine. The first incarnation of this blog featured a lengthy article discussing the ability of song lyrics to speak one's heart in terms far more poetic than spoken words ever could, and those sentiments haven't changed in the slightest. Maybe I'll rework it and republish it one of these days.

"So before this goes too far, let me tell you what you are: you're amazing, I'm attracted, but I'm totally distracted." -- Gavin DeGraw

I consider myself a decent writer, but I've never even pretended to be a good public speaker or conversationalist. I also consider myself a pretty witty individual, but owing to my aforementioned speaking ineptitude, I always tend to spit out the perfect comeback ten minutes too late. I can be effortlessly funny only when I'm writing or typing; in-person quickness doesn't happen too often. However, I once met a person whose sense of humor was so similar to mine that every word out of his mouth felt like a great set-up, memorable conversations happened organically and entirely too often, I never had to explain myself to him, and he would understand even my most obscure references. For close to a decade, he was in a class of his own. Last week, someone teased me, I snapped back far more quickly than usual, and now there are two.

I don’t want to be anything other than what I’ve been trying to be lately! -- Gavin DeGraw

Out of anger over still being forced to inhabit it at the ripe old age of twenty-two, I cleaned my bedroom today. Every personal object more than four years old that wasn't a book or an autographed baseball got thrown away. It was definitely cathartic and definitely gave me a few more surfaces for book storage, but it didn't solve my desperate need for closet space. My house was built in the '20s -- back when people didn't have more than a few outfits apiece -- and the closets are designed accordingly. I think I might get rid of my desk, get a smaller one, and put a freestanding closet in there, so if anyone sees anything good, let me know.